repent. repent. repent.

nostalgia.

2010-02-09T06:08:06Z

the willows weep.
she draws petrichor from the concrete.
the spice of a single leaf...
or are they many?
my hands falter.
and i digress.

eachdamnedwrist @ 2010-02-05T13:12:00

2010-02-05T18:12:49Z

i'm drowning in my weaknesses...
more like my weaknesses are drowning me.

yes, this entry is about women for the most part.
It seems they always pick someone else over me.
five girls in a row. Single for almost two years.

i have to admit though, it hurts a little less every time it happens.

eachdamnedwrist @ 2010-01-29T21:40:00

2010-01-30T02:40:11Z

I'm getting tested monday for partkinsons disease.

eachdamnedwrist @ 2010-01-29T18:37:00

2010-01-29T23:37:02Z

i've never once in my life felt compelled to pursue a complete stranger and ask her for her number.
A few nights ago I went to the wolf 1-11 in albany with dave.
Tori, my ex-grilfriend, told me about this girl she works with at the wolf.
Tori told me that this girl, Monika, is 18 or 19, she's foreign, and loves guys who play guitar.
So, I said fuck it. I haven't felt enough confidence to even talk to a girl in years due to the fact that none of them have been able to meet my unreasonably high standards.
Low self esteem and high standards have kept me stuck in an unsolvable catch 22.
So, dave and I went to the wolf, sat at the bar, and talked to tori about this girl monika while we slammed back a few drinks. We went out to smoke with tori and this monika girl happened to join us.
for a second I couldn't believe my eyes. She's beautiful, tall, and has an accent that made every sentence she spoke sound refreshing.
My afterthought of the short introduction : she's way out of my league.
We all went back inside.
The girls went back to work.
Dave and I went back to the bar.
Tori told me that monika thought I was gorgeous. tori told her a little more about me during their secretive meetings between serving busy tables. Tori told me this later at the bar.
I told tori I wanted to talk to monika for a minute before dave and i left.
I went up to her, looked her in the eyes, and said "It was very nive to meet you... I thought you should know that I think that you're absolutely beautiful, and that I would love nothing more than to take you out sometime and get to know you". I've never made someone so giddie. It felt incredible.
I felt incredible. not just on the outside, but everything on the inside. Confidence. Haven't felt anything close to that in years.
she gave me her number, and last night she told me she was very excited to see me sunday.
I ran out of ambien that night,
but I slept like a baby.

I feel like a god, or like I've climbed to the top of mt everest.

eachdamnedwrist @ 2010-01-24T13:43:00

2010-01-24T18:43:39Z

aaa

eachdamnedwrist @ 2010-01-23T00:40:00

2010-01-23T05:40:30Z

I made her tell me of the affair,
every detail,

and I became him, the man who pulled
her into the closet,

opening the many rooms of her mouth,
knobs spinning,

and then I was her, pulling him
by the tongue

through the river of rooms in the mansion
of my mouth,

his eyes pressing into me, his eye
seeing all,

and then I was the closet, the space
they traveled through

on their way to the mansion, and then the real
I entered the closet,

the wind of doors slamming, bodies
rushing, gone-

my eye lost in the mouth of my pocket,
or is it my hand,

my dirty, awful hand.

eachdamnedwrist @ 2010-01-17T01:13:00

2010-01-17T06:13:35Z

there's a beautiful mind inside an awkward shell
with a thirst for knowledge in a southern dry spell
there's a starving artist trapped inside a holding cell
by the passion for his trade holding him against his will
There's a thousand words to write, but not a single fill
the vacancy that's left from all the guts i spill.
her bodies dragged down through a crooked creek
with sharp little stones kissing at her feet
she's washed onto the river bed just like a dream
and nestles her head atop a pillow teething at the seams.

eachdamnedwrist @ 2010-01-16T23:27:00

2010-01-17T04:27:02Z

there's a beautiful mind inside an awkward shell
with a thirst for some knowledge in a dry spell
there's a starving artist trapped inside a holding cell
by a passion for his trade holding him against his well
There's a thousand words to write, but not a single fill
the vacancy that's left from all the guts i spill

eachdamnedwrist @ 2010-01-09T16:41:00

2010-01-09T21:40:54Z

it was winter in Germany.
I was bundled up in a gaudy jacket, as was my brother.
we were walking home from school together like we always did. I remember my mom telling my brother to hold my hand at all times because he's supposed to take care of me. I don't think he ever did.
on the way home from school this kid was making fun of my brother. He called him curley sue because his hair was so curley. Making fun of him to the point that he almost cried. The kid pushed him down and started hitting him.
I looked at the spectacle for a moment. I didn't lnow what I should do exactly. My brother looked defensless.
I don't know what came over me... I pounced on the bully and began to pummel his face with my fists until he cried like a littl e girl and ran away.
Ryan mentioned it to me a few years back and wondered if I could recall.
I remember it like it was yesterday.

eachdamnedwrist @ 2009-11-04T21:44:00

2009-11-05T02:46:15Z

We trade eyes for teeth
until not even you can see.
your scraps of greed
choke the mouths you feed.

eachdamnedwrist @ 2009-10-14T21:59:00

2009-10-15T01:59:41Z

if i can't have you, no one will

eachdamnedwrist @ 2009-10-08T19:44:00

2009-10-08T23:49:05Z

Ashley Hawkins died yesterday morning. Morphine overdose.
I've known her since third grade...
She had a pretty big crush on me when we were in high school. She was always a very nice girl.

eachdamnedwrist @ 2009-09-17T03:14:00

2009-09-17T07:15:10Z

my doctor has prescribed me xanax. thats gonna be ridic.

eachdamnedwrist @ 2009-09-01T11:22:00

2009-09-01T16:02:33Z

/a receding smile
of muted piano keys//
/that conceive a child
stripped of it's will to sing.//
/pores sweat tears
of fiber glass irony//
/inject fear in her dreams
and take her away from me.//

eachdamnedwrist @ 2009-08-13T02:01:00

2009-08-13T06:01:27Z

nothing but a thing.
HOW COULD I BE SO FUCKING BLIND???!!!

what a DOUCHEbag.

eachdamnedwrist @ 2009-08-10T20:40:00

2009-08-11T00:44:22Z

josh isn't working out.
i don't fucking get it. he just can't hit the notes on the vocal lines that HE wrote.
it doesn't make sense.
on a better note- we found a new guitarist.
his name is Adam garrison. he's a good kid. 23. good guitarist. listens to saves the day and bands like that. for the record, that's not a good thing. we need someone who listens to music with more of a structure. but who cares- if he can write music he's more than okay with me.

3na comes home on friday. or something like that. I wanted to have dinner with her and my family last sunday, but i guess she forgot about it.
i'm going to have a tough work week ahead of me. i'm exhausted. i'm stressed.
ugh.

eachdamnedwrist @ 2009-08-03T00:57:00

2009-08-03T04:58:57Z

note.
refer to the song "weather man" from lower definition to explain the aggressive vocal methods needed to josh so we can finalize tin man's first verse.

my brother asked me to write him a song. this was inspired by another bag of bones.

2009-07-28T03:09:43Z

if it's the shadows she mourns over
in the valley of death,
i'll remove all of the thorns
from the crown on her head.

-----

I carry a cross
upon my broken back
and I'm taunted by a fawn
with a serrated neck.

i watch her play with fire
and i hold my breath.
i take a grain of salt
with every moment repressed.

there's a rifleman
hawking atop a tinsel town
while a curtain covered child
rests on stomping grounds.

so a mother straps a message
to her forsaken chest,
while a wife with milk and honey
waits for the perfect chance...

...to tell him... the good news...

a mother becomes a bull
and takes two in the chest,
while a wife becomes a widow
rocking her readied nest.

machine gun fire
will put dance in their steps
as a dead man sings
his daughter to rest.

the only thing held closer
than his steady rifle
is a family photo
in the pages of a bible

dreamland

2009-07-22T04:51:45Z

i watch her play with fire, and hold my breath
...
as the fluttering sparks dance on her skin.

like a thousand baby fireflies
...
born one
electric minute
...
and gone
by summer's end

the only thing that was better than kissing on our first date...
was almost kissing on our first date.
ill never forget how it almost tasted.

perched on the edge
of nothing and beyond
...
i water the dream garden
but wither in the bone dry soil.
...
invisible i invent a fairytale
and mend her angel wings
weaving until my fingers ache
...
so she can fly

the blanket of smoke and candy
lies crumpled on the bed.

drenched in perfume
unraveled by desire
...
but strong as spider silk
...
it falls away while i stretch,
brush the diamonds from my eyes
...
and wake up

eachdamnedwrist @ 2009-07-21T15:57:00

2009-07-21T19:59:59Z

*aim conversation:*

buddy- dude

me- yo.

buddy- i wrote a poem

buddy- about pussy

me- haha.

buddy-
My Life in P
The pattern's ripped to pieces by the pitter-patter of poison tongues
A painstaking pirouette taken over pawing hungry piranhas
My penguin toed attempt to break the periapsis of my fate
Perseverance in its purest form I pace to find a perpetual home
But the periestral movement of the love of P and me perplexes so my very fiber
Perhaps I can be persuaded to pursue other avenues
After all, a piss in the wind projects itself over the pitied man waiting in the pale shade of wings.

me- wow.

me- i don't have words

eachdamnedwrist @ 2009-07-19T00:04:00

2009-07-19T04:08:19Z

newspaper newspaper, i can't take no more
you're here every morning waiting at my door

i'm just trying to kiss you and you stab my eyes
make me blue forever like an island sky

and i'm not pretending like it's all okay
just let me have my coffee before you take away the day

eachdamnedwrist @ 2009-07-01T01:18:00

2009-07-01T05:21:30Z

i am constant revamp.

ok. just incase this ambien makes me forget everything i'm doing right now-
The hook in the fourth quarter of a verse's measure- Move that to the fourth quarter of the pre-chorus' measure.

Doing this trashes the verse and allows me to expand on it better without removing the "steppin the tango" hook.

fucking genius.

eachdamnedwrist @ 2009-06-29T01:07:00

2009-06-29T05:13:17Z

i flipped out on jon tonight.
I don't think the reason i flipped out was entirely due to jon's actions (or lack there of). I had been shaking all day. I don't think it's diabetes like i considered before (hypochondriac?), but more so anxiety. It's gotten a lot more extreme. I couldn't barely sit in the car today with jon, dave, and mike. I wanted to jump out. i was freaking.
But regardless- i flipped out on jon.
I told him he was a fucking lazy bastard, and that all he does is dick around. he tried to explain himself, but i interrupted every time telling him to shape the fuck up. We're paying tim to practice there, and it's not worth it if all he's going to do is jam out and play UFC unleashed on the ps3.

I was really mad.

The fact that every time we go there everyone is high doesn't help either. I'm the only one who doesn't smoke, so i guess my opinion of the situation is somewhat of a minority.

I was so pissed that Tim wasn't even saying anything.
the energy in the room was all down hill after our first 20 mins of jamming.
I can't take this shit. it's so monotonous.

eachdamnedwrist @ 2009-06-27T23:35:00

2009-06-28T03:44:12Z

exploring the creative unconscious. Recovery in expressing this rage through unorthodox abstract creations.
She would rather suffocate within horrible oppressive manipulation until she cuts her own throat.

eachdamnedwrist @ 2009-06-27T23:35:00

2009-06-28T03:40:01Z

exploring the creative unconscious. Recovery by expressing pure anger.